Just another 12 more days I be back. 

This few days I am at my lowest point in life.  

I lose my love of my life. 

I don't think I am such a emotional person. I don't think I have ever wake up in the middle of the night crying, feeling scare. 

I never felt so painful before. 

Maybe before I really taken things so lightly. But when the moment I know how to treasure it's too late. 

Every moment I felt and flash back to think the pain is so unbearable. 

I have never ever tot of letting go the relationship. Maybe I am just being protective. 

Maybe all the while I just want to seek some attention. 

Maybe sometime I just want feel the care and love. 

I am 6000 away from singapore for 5weeks. I felt so lonely and there are no 1 out there for me. I just felt that I am in a dark room. Trying to reach out but it's all dark. 

Colleague have asked how am I. How come I am not how I use to be when I came here. 

How should I tell them? 

This is not a normal relationship?

Ytd night I just sit in the toilet and cried for 3 hours. Stating at the wall with a blank mind. 

The detachment Commander actually came to me and speak with me last night. He hope that things dont affect my work. He told me that coming to this kind of detachment is not a chances that comes by easily. Knowing that 5 weeks away from home is not a simple thing we totally need the support of our family and love 1. 

I totally agree with him but I really don't have the support from anyone. I don't dare to call back home becoz I don't wan my family to worry abt me. 

I am sorry if I am not as strong as everyone see. 

I am really a weak lion now. 

A lion which really feel like dying. 

While writing this post my tears just flow down. 

Signing off Andy lai.